Will work for Food...

so..yeah. Life is pretty crazy at the moment. I am done with classes in like 3 weeks..done with classes forever...well until I go to grad school. I've been putting in job applications and sweating bullets. The Wharton Center(www.whartoncenter.com) authorized me to keep working full time through to the summer if I need it..but that's only like 20 hours a week at..well..I won't even mention what dismal compensation I get for..chatting...checking my e-mail..laughing at personal ads, watching TV shows online, looking for plane tickets to various parts of the world, Ebaying, Eating, doing homework..oh..and selling tickets. ooh..and blogging too..but I never blog consistently so I guess that doesn't really count.

Other than classes and work..nothing terribly new except a new boyfreind. His name is Ryan, he's awesome..so far everyone loves him including the hillsdale crowd..he has yet to meet the Flint crowd..but I'm sure that won't be a problem. He's a drag performer..which I never EVER thought I would ever date a drag queen, but I am and it's HELLA fun. His freinds have taken quite a liking to me as well from what I gather.

Busting ass to get my recital stuff together for the 24th of January...

Then..who knows. Anyone want a live in houseboy? I play purdy music!

wow...just...wow

So..yeah. I found out that over the weekend my father hit someone on a bike while driving..and fled the scene. I don't know the details of the victim nor how badly they were injured..if at all. I'm going to assume that there was some injury because you can't get hit by a car and everything just be fine...and if there was anything serious I'm sure I would have heard about all of the details thus far. So..yeah...he had apparently warrants out for various possession charges including cocaine...my grandmother was told that there was drugs and drug paraphranalia(sp?) throughout the vehicle. I'm sure it was just pot and a few pipes...I'm hoping anyway..anything more serious and that's way no bueno. so apparently he is supposed to be arraigned today..at what time I don't know. I have no clue as to what sentencing might be...everything online says jail time if there is serious bodily injury, impairment or Death..but nothing for minor injuries...assuming that it's minor injuries. Of all the crappy things my dad is capable of..I can't see him leaving someone who is seriously injured on the side of the road. I've been surprised before..but I just can't help but think there is at least that much good and common sense in him.

So my dad's in jail...the major problem for me..is that my dad had aggreed to help me out this semester because I had so little bit in FInancial aid left because of the purchase of my Flute last Spring. So..I am really hoping that the stars will align in such a way that I will not have to drop out this semester and finish next fall(cause the last music class that I need is only offered this semester.....).

So I would greatly appreciate any prayers you could send my families way.

Learning experiences

I rode the bus home yesterday and while eavesdropping on the bus driver talking to another rider that she knew pretty well..(there wasn't really a choice..he was sitting next to me and she was yelling from the drivers seat).

She has two kids..one of them is a boy. He's had a troubled childhood lately. Been moved around schools a lot..one cause he was in a lansing ghetto school..then he went to a catholic school..got severely bullied and picked on a lot at both..and now is in a school of choice and apparently doing very well.

She is finishing up a history degree and only has a few classes left.

Her mother is a professor at a community college and her father is a general practicioner.

Bus drivers in lansing can elect to take unpaid time off during the summer and she went on a road trip with her kids to see the grand canyon.

That was interesting to me. I would have not thought that this lady(I'd say she's between 27-32) that I've seen a few times..and admittedly..wrote her off as a bitch on one occaision...was so damn interesting. I mean..that's a lot of information to eavesdrop/learn about someone in maybe a 10 minute bus ride. But she did not talk at an eccelerated speed..nor did she completely bogard the conversation with the rider next to me.

Things that make you go hmmm...

Freinds just gotta hug!

I just want to say that I absolutely cherish my freinds from the bottom of my soul.

I went down to Concord with the ABC group as Janna calls us, and totally got everything that I absolutely needed. Great belly laughs, giggling fits, hugs, massages, GREAT food and great stories. These people are truly my...everything. They're my freinds, my guides, my angels, my demons(lol), my family..they pick me up when I fall, they polish me up and make me new. They remind me that I am precious and valuable and irreplaceable just as each of them are to me. They feel life as I do, they feel... Our hearts and souls vibrate sympathetically and create such wonderful harmonies(even if the chords resolve improperly :-P).

Thank you ABC group. Even though you may not know about the turmoil in my heart and my feelings of worthlessness...you many not give me everything I want but you give me everything I need to be me..to the fullest extent of my ability.

oh the joys of being gay!

These are the times that I wish I were straight..honestly. I get kinda bitter towards the gay population..myself included. It's such a fucking meat market.

"You meet the man of your dreams..and I'm meeting his beautiful wife..."

Sing it Alanis you emotional canadian songstress.

I guess I'm tired of always being put on the back burner...every guy I meet has all of these little things on the side. "you're a GREAT GUY!" "You have SUCH a cool personality!" Yeah yeah yeah..but I'm not pretty. If I were pretty..I'm fairly convinced I could take over the world..but I'm not so here I sit. I didn't walk out of a magazine photo shoot..no one walks by me and says "DAYUM! I want him to fuck the hell out of me!" Which..I'm moderately ok with. I don't want someone to just be interested in me for the way that I look..but I can't help feeling that everyone that I meet thinks.."Oh he's cool, but...Sphen..is cool AND he's hot maybe I can start something with HIM."

And ya know what I hate just as much? is that I'm totally guilty of that too..putting others on the back burner so that I can try..and subsequently fail on trying to rope in..well we'll just call him "The highest bidder." Hell..I'm kinda doing that right now. I'm not ok with it regardless of who is doing it to whom...but I especially don't like it when it's done to me. I know I don't have any fascinations of being with guys or having things that I know I can't have or deserve..as if someone could really "Deserve" someone else I guess...that's a whole other rant. I also can't fight the feeling that, when guys that I spend time with..just in general, with no one person in specific..send out all of these signals like..kissing..snuggling...fooling around..what have you and then they aren't interested in actually dating me, like it was wasted time(longest run-on sentence ever! lol). Like..umm..don't do that if you don't want to date me..cause I pretty much know whether or not I want to date a person within the first few hours of knowing them. If I've got my tongue in your mouth..you're pretty much great in my book. Why can't others be like this? Don't try to seduce me if that's all you want. But who am I really to blame? The guy for being attracted to me for a moment..or myself for not putting on the brakes? I'm naive I guess..still attach certain emotional expectations on intimacy. I guess I'm attractive enough to sleep with at least..... Always look at the silver lining right?

I don't know..I've been very unsettled as of late. Tired of people(lol mostly guys) going in and out of my life..wanting a few individuals to stick around..but seeing as how there has already been a level of intimacy established previous to the "Freind" thing...that may not be possible with some of them. We'll see...

That's my rant..kinda hypocritical I know...just felt like bitching. Send a "HAAAAYYY" if you're feelin me on this one.

Yay start of classes!

I am soooo friggin tired! Classes....suck! Started with concert band rehearsal at 8 am...not thrilled at ALL about it. Plus I HATE the conductor. He is a condescending pompus prick... Then to Russian, which was cool. it's like 24 people squeezed into a tiny ass room. But quite a few cute guys..and the teacher seems to be very nice and her accent is amazing. Orchestration was boring...Dr. Newman unfortunately can get on rants that always seem to make me fall asleep. He's cool as hell most the time..but ugg. So I'm sitting at work..bored as hell..trying desperately to stay awake. Totally going home and napping. Anyone wanna come snuggle with me?

just found out my moon sign is scorpio

2-8 Taurus/Scorpio
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces a personality possessing a good deal more emotional intensity that is normally observed in the very stable Taurus Sun sign native. A very attractive cover hides the emotionally temperamental side of your nature. There is a very "definite" quality about you that insists black is black and white is white, and the many shades of gray don't exist. You have a very strong and passionate nature that knows what it wants and how to get it. You are very headstrong, self-willed, and independent. Your charm is instantaneous, and this coupled with your dramatic flare, shows talent for acting and speaking. You like being noticed and there is nothing at all timid about you. You are very appealing to the opposite sex, but the temperament you release when your reserve breaks down can make personal relationships very stormy. With all the tools that you have to get ahead, it wouldn't be hard for you to go far. Strangely however, your ambition to do so may not be as strong as many of your competitor who you pass along the way may believe. The tension that seems always to be building up constantly produces the urge to get away from it all and let yourself completely relax. You need this reprieve to avoid the stress to which you are rather susceptible.

I really need a dog...

I'm lonely. I'm soo incredibly lonely for some reason. I have absolutely no reason to be..I've been dating..meeting incredible guys...guys that are WAY too hot to be comming after me lol. I've been really emotional lately. just...I dont' know. I want to be in love again. I want to feel loved and attractive again. I want to feel excited by doing nothing but watching movies and snuggling with someone. I think I've gotten physical cravings out of my system..and now I want to start to develop the emotional connection with someone. I want to feel wanted...needed...sexy...... Sometimes our minds are our worst enemies. We can conjure up the most amazing dreams and flights of fancy...and the most horribly dreadful nightmares. We can look at ourselves in the mirror and believe that we're happy with various things about ourselves..and a breathe later, we think that it's a good idea to list off all of the things we hate about ourselves.

I crave to hold and be held.
I long for butterfly kisses and holding hands.
I wanna buy flowers for someone to brighten their day..
I miss making plans and looking forward to special days...
I miss waking up next to someone in the middle of the night.
I miss spending all day in bed snuggling and pillow talking.

When I get in these moods..I feel so worthless. Like there's nothing in particular that's really good about me. Like definately things that are average..things that you could find on anyone that has many more endearing and attractive characteristics. No one is going to stop themselves in their tracks to look at me cause I'm so damn hot. Why would someone want me?

It's funny cause I have absolutely NO reason to feel that way right now..looking at my life objectively..there are no real concrete reasons...no extrinsically negative things...no one is telling me that they "Just aren't attracted to me" or "you're a great guy but....you just aren't what I'm looking for." Which..if someone tells me that..they might as well call me the swamp thing hebeast from the blue lagoon.

To be fair..I have told a lot of people that I'm not looking for a relationship..which is true. I just dont' think that I am mentally equipped at the moment to be fair for the other person. But on the other hand..I miss it soo much.

I was in a relationship with Pete for so long..and I loved him sooo much. Still do really...but we have a lot to work on before we can attempt to think about being back "together." We have to make sure that we are who we want to be with..not the "we" that keeps putting ourselves aside to apease each other. Not that it happened the whole relationship..but definately felt like it was becomming too commonplace towards the end.

This song used to make me think of me a lot when I heard it while I was in High school.

"I am everything you want, I am everything you need.
I am everything inside of you that you wished you could be.
I say all the right things at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing
to you and I don't know why..."

~Vertical Horizon.

things that make me go hmmmm

I've been thinking soo much about relationships lately. I have to admit that I have been blessed to have some wonderful people that have come into my life lately. They have been very sweet to me and pretty much..without me asking..given me everything that I needed. A laugh, a hug, a kiss or a snuggle. I know that I am not ready to be in a relationship right now..I know it. I still feel like a failure in my last relationship..and that I'm more of a burden than a blessing. I need to get over that. I know otherwise..but my heart doesn't. I think that the problem with not being in a relationship now..after having been for 2 years..is that I don't feel particularly special to anyone..no one is pursuing me per se...telling me how great and wonderful I am..and how happy I make them. No one is trying to compete for my affections. I don't really know what I expect..the more that I type..the more ridiculous I feel lol. Because I have freinds who are special to me and I to them. and even if the guys I've been affectionate with as of late don't want me around for the long haul..thats ok. It really is...they could be in a not ready place to have a relationship too. And it isn't the commitment that I crave..I don't know. I've been mildly emotional this week. no reason in particular and not emotional bad or depressed..just...emoting more than I'm used to.

I guess I was getting too comfortable in certain situations with someone and realized that those situations might not what I thought they were..or what I thought they were leading to. I am very intuitive with people..I feel them. And what I feel may not make sense to other people but it makes sense to me. Little cues that I pick up on..granted..with some people I'm completely oblivious. *shrugs* Who knows...this is probably a phase.

random survey from Myspace

1. What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?
What do you look like without your hat? Do you EVER take it off? Yes....yes I do..obviously..if I'm wearing it..obviously it's an integral accessory to the outfit and the look! :-P

2. Name something you have in common with all your siblings.
Umm..hmm..we both like...World of Warcraft....we like....stuff....yeah my brother and I don't have much in common but we still enjoy each other's company

3. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
Physical pain? probably any one of the occaisions that I dislocated my knee..the most recent was probably the worst.

4. What number of alcoholic drinks is your limit?
to what? not drive? or not Die? no limit...if I'm driving I can have 4 or 5 drinks and still be good to go. I know it isn't legal...bite me.

5. Do you fold your underwear? Yes.

6. Name someone you consider a genius. whew..not too many of them in my life :-P

7. Name something random that you would do. Provided that I had work off...go on a random road trip to somewhere...wherever that may be...

8. Name something that made you laugh today.
So a long time ago my freind Emily took pictures of me in her dorm at Oakland Univ. while I was explaining to her proper fellatio techniques while pointing to errogenous zones of the penis on a dildo. She sent me one of those pics today saying it should be my myspace pic.

9. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you do it? "It's like Horrorporn! There are just some places you don't expect to see a face!" Quoted from a British version of Freinds called Coupling.


10. What is on your refrigerator door? Magnets, maybe a picture...a dry erase board with Roxanne's drawing of stick figure girls with huge tatas.

11. Name the closest thing to you that is green. It's a toss up between the carpet and the binder on my desk.....they look to me to be about equidistant.

12. If someone who didn't know you had to guess your name, what hint would you give them?
Well..I guess it would depend on what nationality they were...All black people think all white boys are named Kyle :-P. But seriously..I might just have them guess whatever..and go by that name till I ran in to someone I knew. SURPRISE! You uh...guessed my MIDDLE name!

13. Name something you have to do tomorrow?Work...8-5

14. Have you ever called 911? yes..but only once or twice...I think. I'm pretty sure...ok yeah I don't remember.

15. Do You Own An iPod? nope..I have a kick ass phone that..once i figure out how to use it..will be my Ipod...and quite possibly my tricorder..and...instrument with which I will use to take over the world....

16. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?Yes

17. What CD Is Currently In Your Cd Player? Anoushka Shankar's album Rise

18. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?Umm..yes. I inhale milk...so I take it how i get it.

19. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week? hmm..not sure. there are very few "Secrets" in my group of freinds. We all pretty much call and tell everyone and ask what they think.

20. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks? Starbucks specifically? at least....7 months.

21. Can You Whistle? not very well.

22. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos?nope

23. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite? Get along better as in...freinds? or get along better as in.... I would say I get along better with girls than I do with guys..but I can make freinds with just about anyone.

24. Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?side mostly

25. What song are you listening to? Umm..hmm..the magical Mechanics of Printers? by umm....Hewlett Packard? It's pretty hot...totally my jizzam.

26. What does it remind you of?umm..work?

27. Which of your friends lives closest to you?Soon to be MORGIAN! I guess Steve but..he lives with me so..would that reallly count?

28. What did you do last night? partied hardy with some of the most amazing people on God's creation...although some others there...not so amazing :-P you know who you are

29. What big concerts are you looking forward to?none so far.

30. What annoys you?Stuff...

31. Next vacation you're going on? *shrugs* probably Roxanne's this weekend. If she ever got on Yahoo..we could chat about it all day while I'm at work today..tomorrow..and Friday. *cough*

32. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? I never really understood this expression..is it gas? Anxiety? Love? Diharrea?

33. What did you dream last night?I don't dream...and I didn't last night.

34. Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?no..and it had better not start. :-P

35. Where was your first make out? in the back seat of my Dad's pimped out Fly assed blue astro van...yeah! lol...in the parking lot of Whiting...but who..that has worked there hasn't? *cough* Kristen?

36. What are you doing tomorrow?Working 8-5

37. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?That I need to really start keeping to my guns about doing what I say I'm gonna do...rather than tell people what I shoudl do.

38. Do you like anyone? Actually a few people at the moment.

39. Do you know anyone who's married? yeah

40. What's your favorite number? um....20q09394-0985-2309486-09568

41. Who was the last person to make you cry? myself.

42. What are you doing? I was talking with some Box office people that came out and chatted with me while I'm working in reception..and then I made small talk with the director of Wharton.

43. when was the last time you cried? a couple days ago.

44. What is one thing you miss about your past?Knowing how I was going to save the world...and all the family members that hadn't passed away.

45. Are you jealous of anyone? Not at present.

46. Is anyone jealous of you? I would assume so..but you never know

48. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than as a friend?not lately unfortunately.

49. Who was the last person you drove with? Adam

50. What are you looking forward to? the weekend.

51. How are you today? Lethargic

52. What's your worst experience? Being 17 and finding out that your mother had passed away earlier that morning.

53. Are you currently single? yes

54. How many things in your past do you regret? Nothing so far. Might redo if given a choice..but certainly not regret.

55. Do you have a best friend? a few all over the place..they're my security network..They've always caught me when I fell.

56. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?only two? and in a whole night?..you obviously haven't been down to Concord..oh wait...waht happens in concord..stays in concord....

57. Have you ever been in the emergency room?yes

58. What's the last movie you watched? Jackass:the Movie...LOVE tv-links.co.uk

59. If you could change anything about your past, what would you change? not a whole lot..since I probably wouldn't know then..what I know now. I think the biggest one would be that I never got to tell my mother that I thought she was a good mom...definately taught me that you never know when the last time you're going to see someone is...I think that's part of why I'm so blunt and sincere.

60. Have you ever felt like killing somebody? Killing? just killing? no. Inflicting massive amounts of pain that could most likely lead to death...or prayer of death just for a second of release from the agonizing torture of..... No..never thought of killing someone lol

61. Do you like your life? It's the only one I've got..so yes. I do. They know me here and the food is generally very good.

62. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed? eh..ask me about it.

63. What kind of music do you like? Classical, top 40, Indian Traditional, Celtic...bits and pieces of everything.

64. Does anything hurt on your body right now?Oh my neck....oh my back...oh my neck and my back...I want uh hundred and fifty thousand! Maybe 200 and some envelopes?

65. Do you have more friends that are girls or guys?girls

66. How long have you had myspace?maybe a year?

67. Have you ever fallen asleep with someone of the opposite sex?Yes..Roxannes a spider monkey in the sack!

68. What's one thing you wish you could be better at? Being entirely ok with things that I know are legitimately out of my power.

69. Have you ever had feelings for someone who lived in a different state? hmm...I don't think so.

70. What are some of your biggest fears of your life?not accomplishing anything.

71. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? who hasn't?

72. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? dumb question..I mean..rather this is a love interest or not..everyone's had a family member, freind, etc that has been in a situation that they didn't prefer..or they just really pissed you off.

73. Are you happy with your looks?Some days

74. Have you kissed any one on your top list?Yes.

75. Do you like to sing?Love singing. I try and sing in as many groups as I can. I currently perform with the Steiner Chorale of Lansing when it is in season.

76. What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you've dated? (or been married to) 6 months to a year.

77. Are looks important?yes...looks attract me..but it's personality, wit and intelligence that keeps me.

78.What are you listening to? The phone ringing.

79. Where do you want to be? In bed.

80. Do you believe in love? I love too many people and love too many things to not believe in love.

bored at work

So I just got done watching the movie version of Rent..cause we're THAT busy lol. previous to today I had never seen the movie nor the onstage musical. I know..I'm bad at being gay. I've worked at 2 venues that had the broadway tour..and 3 opportunities to see it..and didn't. 2 of which would have been for free. I have to say..that my musical snobbishness was satisfied. It was great to just be able to listen and watch..and not sit there and rip it apart. The movie version of Phantom of the Opera did NOT make me happy in the slightest...though the cinematography was great. Seriously though..if I had been able to watch Rent with no interruptions...damn customers...from beginning to end..I probably would be a blubbering, crying mess right now. I highly reccomend seeing it if you haven't..and if you can't afford to rent it..you can watch it online for free! Tv-links.co.uk is the BEST website EVER!

boys, beer, hookah and ethiopia

Ok...so..haven't posted in a while..sorry Janna :-P


Lots of stuff has been happening as of late. lots of partying actually. Since Chris Cameron has been home from Ethiopia we all have been spending rediculous amounts of time together..and it's been wonderful. We all havent' spent close to this much time together in literally like...5 or 6 years...meaning Kristen, Dennis, Morgian and I...but it's been great spending so much time with everyone! Morgian is broken up with her deadbeat, crackaddicted, angry and abusive boyfriend. She came back to rehearsal on tuesday and..afterwards when i finally got a chance to hug her..I just fell to pieces in racking sobs and tears all over the place.

Been hanging out with a few people recently. This guy Ryan who I met online..he's cool. The night I met him..was a little dramatic lol..long story short..I may have been drunk and made out/danced with his roommate and whatnot..oh well. It's all good now. He takes me back to my Flint roots and ghetto fabulousness. Even though I'll always be a cornbred mildly butch white boy..I'll always have a big black diva drag queen in my heart lol. I went to the bar with him on thursday and a few of his Flint freinds...I was the only white guy in the group..which..for me..hasn't happened since I moved down to E. lansing. I reminded me that I am just as comfortable around tokens...as I am BEING the token. It was a great night.

Last night my friend Adam came and visited. I met Adam at the Lansing Gay Pride. He's from Tenessee and his family has jewish heritage..how great right?! He is a freind of my freind Mike whom is an Evolutionary Biology masters student...who'da thunk I'd be hanging out with someone like that? lol Anyways, Adam came with his freinds Josh and Charles..and I wasn't really previed to the whole drama between the three of them before..apparently Josh liked Charles, Adam liked Charles and Charles was indifferent to both of them? So when I came into the scene...Josh and Charles were like MAJOR..SHAMELESSLY hitting on me..like seriously..I could have asked them to drop trou and let me fuck them right there..and they probably would have obliged lol..it was very awkward for me. And so..I've hung out with Adam a few times since..and thoroughly enjoy his company. He's this cute language dork whose current obsession with albanian and slavic cultures has rubbed off on me a little..and I try to learn albanian in my free time..it's not going as well as I'd like..but I don't think I'm giving myself enough of an opportunity to learn it..and he is the only person I could use it with..that i know of anyways. Oh well, it's still really interesting to me..cause we all know I'm a closeted language dork too. He also likes to cook, foreign films and buffets(BONUS!). I always knew that I liked foreign films..but he has really good taste in them. So he came and stayed the night last night and we watched Babette's Feast..which I recommend..it made me feel good. Did I mention he's really snuggly? :-P

I bought a new hose for my Hookah..and for $12 I dramatically improved the quality of my smoking experience. I am SOO happy with it!

Im really excited for the Hillsdale Wind Symphony performance on Tuesday. I think I'm gonna see if my dad and grandmother want to drive down and hear it. I'm gonna be playing Irish Whistle on the Lord of the Rings arrangement we're playing..and am WAY excited for it. We are also playing this piece called Dusk that I'm playing Alto Flute for..and I don't know..the tone of it..and how it fits with these crunch chords..I can totally just feel the tonalities and the sound envelop me and flow through my body. It's a completely wonderful aesthetically indescribable experience. I hope we sound as good outside as we do inside.

Best Website EVER!!

OMG JEWS! lol that is the one good thing that happened yesterday. The day from HELL! On the way down, Morgian and I were making jokes about the "Oh My god, SHOES!" video..if you haven't seen it go to Youtube and type in Liam Sullivan. It's great...after about 20 times of watching it. Anyways, yeah..if you know the movie..just insert Jews where it says Shoes...I'm not an antisemite...it's just funny. I actually love jews.

So pete and I are split up. Who knows how long and if it is permanent or not. It was a mutual decision because of so many unresolved arguments that have no resolution. We just walk away from the problem and forget it for a couple days and then everything is happy. So everytime we get in an argument..usually because of me being insensitive and/or not understanding why he is reacting in the way that he is...We both get frustrated and walk away from each other and then with every subsequent argument..all of the unresolved arguments for the past 22 months get thrown in....not fair...to either people. So we are splitting..sleeping in separate bedrooms...and doing our own thing for who knows how long.

That happened at 8AM

The rest of the day I went to my classes..didn't have to work so I slept most the day till Morgian came for us to go down to hillsdale. On the way down, just south of Mason, my driver's side tire blows out..thankfully it just deflates and the car does not loose control..just starts making a funny thumping sound. We call AAA...we have everything but the Jack..so thereby necessitating AAA dude. But no trip is complete without Morgian Humping something....



Here we have Morgian humping the AAA dude's big ass truck....

So we get back and Pete asks if I want to go with him to do laundry..I said "Sure" so we go..and we take up our half of the laudromat....one of the washers with my clothes in it starts wigging out and overflowing. Well the lady comes over and shuts off power to the machine..but water still keeps pouring out...so needless to say..by the time the manager got there..the laundromat is flooded with about a quarter of an inch of standing water in the whole place. Booo. The lady keeps saying that I overfilled the washer...and I know that I did not..but anyways...just a horrible day. On top of all that..I started to get a headache on the way down to Hillsdale...and by the end of the day it was in a full blown migraine that knocked me out for the night.

Booo yesterday

AHH stress!

So..this week has sucked....this week and Next week will suck as well. There have been some good things happening this week but I have been sooo stressed out with very quickly approaching deadlines for assignments and playing responsibilities and not having either prepared well enough for them being so CLOSE..and really believing that there was no way that I could have prepared any better than I have..or managed my time better than I have thus far. I have to compose a Sonata Exposition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonata) that is at least 40 measures long. I have the First Tonal Area and the Second Tonal area composed..but have to write an adequate transitional phase between said areas with non diatonic chords that make sense like Augmented 6th chords, Neopolitan chords and secondary dominants. I'm not good at composing in general....I hate composing. I have a lot of respect for individuals who can compose(especially Janna!) well. I am not one of those people. My composition is due on Monday at 9:10AM...I will be spending all day tomorrow writing the rest of my Sonata and tryiyng my hardest not to throw the very pretty MACs in the College of Music Computer lab out the window..cause I hate Finale..It's a very counter-intuitive music notation program that..I have to look in the "Help" file just to copy and paste!...and by "Help" I mean...not very helpful..cause the MACs don't open PDF files the same way as PCs..so I have to Google how to use the damn program...AHHH!

So I have that...

I also have to prepare a mock program for my 19th century music lit class that includes program notes for 3 19th century pieces and my own biography in like 1500 words....Sounds fun..but there is not a plethora of flute literature written in the 19th century..not like Mozart and Handel...boo. That is due on Wednesday at 10:20AM.

I will probably, at this point, be skipping my monday night choir rehearsal this comming week...so I can still go down to Hillsdale. Cause...well...I need it very much.

One of the great things that happened this week was...I GOT MY NEW FLUTE! it's SOOO amazing! It's a Miyazawa 401 Sterling Silver Heavywall with C# trill, offset G, B foot and D# roller. It also has a heavywall Muramatsu winglip headjoint. It cost QUITE a pretty penny..but well worth it. It does everything except julienne fries at this point. BUT..it taunts me..BEGS me to play it..(which a Music Collegue who plays on a Greenhoe Bass Trombone termed it my "Yellowhoe". Yes, it's a Japanese instrument through and through. Handcrafted by some of Japan's finest Flutemakers)..but I can't cause i have no TIME! AHHH!!!

MORIGAN

Ok..so I talk about Morgian a lot..but she's a pretty important gal. We are not screwing..even though I've had many opportunities and advances in our friendship....:-P



This is Morgian as a redhead. This is a recent development and she looks very strikingly like her sister Shikara(sp? "Shih-Kharah"). I like it. It was wierd the first day..but I like it.



This is Morgian int he car ride on the way down to Hillsdale on tuesday. Nuff said.



This is a moose head that was at the bar that her and I used to frequent when we lived together. It was walking distance..and they had big ass 44oz beers for $5. It was only domestic commoner beer..but it definately got the job done. I think on this night Her, our neighbor Adam and I split a $120 bar tab and didn't even eat anything there. Lots of Kamikazes, Dirty Girl Scouts, Red Headed sluts and Tequila shots. Mmmm...good times.

at work

So there is a sub place in town called Jimmy Johns. They sell really cheap subs that are made on this incredible French Bread. I recommend checking for one in your area..though I think you can only find them in College areas. They have these Salt and Vinegar kettle chips that are incredible. I never ate S&V chips till I had these and I've been hooked ever since.



This is my computer screen at work. I work at the illustrious Wharton Center for Performing Arts in East Lansing, MI. We have two venues in our buildling, one is the Great Hall which is our main venue, seats about 2500 people. It has continental Seating which means there are no center aisles and one Balcony(called the Grand Tier). It's a great place to see a performance and a great stage to perform on. The accoustics make anyone sound amazing..unless you have a crappy tech guy doing sound. Our second venue is the Pasant Theatre which seats around 600 and the stage is modeled after the Globe Theatre in England?? complete with shakespearian thrust stage. You can check out the website, Whartoncenter.com. I stare at this computer screen for at least 20 hours sometimes more than 30 hours a week. The seating map that you are seeing right now is of our Performance of Wicked in July. Tickets go on sale may 4th to the general public.

I am sooo BORED! And really uber antsy too. I feel like a crack addict going through withdrawls...I can't stop pacing..I have very little attention span....maybe a little craving to rock back and forth....AHHH!!

So I just..and I mean JUST figured out how to send pictures from my phone to a website so that I can in turn download them and post them.....this mystery of the universe has been just that tome for 2 years! can you bleieve it! So I'm gonna start putting up random pics that I have on my phone and commenting on them..that can be my little gimmick like everyone else has on here. So here's an BUTTLOAD of pics with commentary.



This is of my Truck..the upper ball joint went out on the front drivers side tire..yesterday. So today..we tried to take it to a garage..where it was originally $200..and turned out to magically be $1500...as you can see by the extensive front end damage(we bought it that way) it isn't even worth $1500...we'll see what will happen...till then..I am vehicularly challenged. Doesn't it look sad? It looks to me like someone trying to walk on a broken ankle..never seen it in person..but thanks to movies like Saw 1,2,3,I can imagine what this would look like.



My Kitty..her name is Sadie. She's a beautiful diva and she knows it!



My dog Bailey..the yellow lab. the brown one is my grandmother's Chow/Lab mix..that I have mixed feelings about. She's stupid..territorial..needy..jealous...all the worst personality traits of both breeds. Bailey..on the other hand is like Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde...She's beautiful and smart...but really ditzy. She likes raspberry kisses and spooning.



Kristen and Dennis at their finest. This was taken last december on a drinking outing with Mewissa, Pete and I at the Irish Pub.



This is Mewissa and Petey



A cute pic of Morgian and I in Pat's car.



Morgian spent the night at my townhouse cause they were doing sidewalk work outside her bedroom window with drills and jackhammers..and she works third shift..you get the point. So when she arose..she deemed it necessary to don her Stars and Moons bedsheet as a toga and parade around the place for a couple hours..I thought it fitting that one of my hookahs is in the foreground.



I saw this on my way to my flute lessons one time..I thought it was something very scary and could be from the twilight zone. Soo many rubber duckies...staring at me...telling me....to do.....things..........



A random pic of my brother...doesn't he look like such a motivational speaker?



Can't have a photo entry without a hot pic of the latino boyfreind. Oh poolboy!



A live bait vending machine..that I saw around the corner from Jason(of the ABC group and Hillsdale Wind Symphony) and Chris' house. Me being from Flint..and deep in the ghetto..thought this was picture worthy cause I had never seen something SOOO redneck IN MY LIFE! BTW..it was at the only stop light in the..fair hamlet..right outside the bar and next to the convenience store..which was attached to the bar.



The pic that is my icon on this thing..me out with my coworkers on a bar crawl.

The Seasoned Veteran FriendYou are the Seasoned Veteran Friend! You resemble Aragorn (Lord of The Rings), Merlin (Arthurian Legend), Han Solo (Star Wars), The Marquis (Neverwhere), Sirius Black (Harry Potter) and Chase (Wizard's First Rule). You are exceedingly loyal, tricky and hardy. You regularly pull the Unlikely Hero, Mentor and Pillor-of-Strength Love Interest out of trouble and into safety. Beware The Traitor, who will make your job intensely difficult. And don't coddle the Unlikely Hero too much, he has to learn how to fend for himself. Anyway, everyone admires you and your resourcefullness / reliability - good going!

So I can't believe that a compute can really eat up soooo much time. Pete left for a friends housewarming party at about 4..and me feeling under the weather am here sitting on my duff. Well I am mildly in to an online computer game called World of Warcraft. Yes...I am one of those nerds..but odds are..so are you :-P So I played WoW from 4:30ish till 10! without taking a break! WOAH! This must come directly from Satan..but on the other hand..I usually don't know how to just sit around when I'm sick and just focus on getting better..there's always homeowork, Food(I eat a LOT), freinds, cell phones, vehicles to take me to random places(I love driving/riding around with peeps on a nice night like tonight), bright shiney objects...checking my e-mail 20 times an hour....you get the point. I feel like the day is wasted..but eh..what can ya do? *drum roll CRASH* Starts up WoW some more.

woah emotions!

So I just got done watching Grey's anatomy for the first time..well..first and second times. I just discovered ABC.com and how they have full episodes that you can watch online. Well, the episodes that I saw were probably last season's finale where there is this disasterous wreck with some Car Ferry and in this episode one of the intern's falls into water and drowns and becomes hypothermic. I realized today..watching these shows..that I cannot watch these shows. These hospital shows where people die. I mean, that's good ratings..but I was TOTALLY unprepared, now I knew that something was going to happen..but with as much suspense as they pack in these damn shows..it's like a car wreck..you just can't look away. Anyways, I was totally unprepared to relive a whole lot of very emotional memories of seeing a lot of family members who literally meant the world to me..either on their deathbed or in a coffin. Since 2001 I've lost my Mother(my number one fan), my aunt(my number two fan and family member I think I closest resembled personality-wise) in 2002 and my grandfather maybe 7-9 months ago. With the exception of my mother, my aunt died of heart disease related to chemotherapy and radiation treatments she recieved fighting off cancer of the lymph nodes and my Grandfather who lived through Skin and Lung cancer for 2 years and in the last 6 months of his life, Lung, skin and brain cancer. My mother died very suddenly, she was a heart patient. She had a cardiomyopathy with atrial fibulation..which is an enlarged heart with an irregular and(in some cases I think and/or) accelerated heart rate. She had a pacemaker put in 8 or 9 months before she died but in the end her heart just quit. She did not suffer. I am very very thankful for that looking back. But back to Grey's...seeing these people on their "deathbeds" on the TV shows struck a chord with REAL events that have come into my life. It was this well of emotions that just exploded. I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably remembering seeing these wonderful, intelligent and brave individuals in their last days living through torture. My grandfather died peacefully loaded up on morphine. Even though he did not suffer at the end..he endured such merciless agony that just made him hate life..the life that he so loved..life with the family that he so loved and was so proud of. In his home surrounded by the memories of raising his children, raising his grandchildren(my brother and I), Countless meals, his wife of over 50 years. He was always the caretaker, but it was us that took care of him. My Aunt Laura(Aunt Lolly), not being able to take a full breathe for a year before she died because that which saved her from cancer so many years before, created scar tissue around her heart and created a leathery shell that finally got to the point where it was constricting the very beating of her heart. She was such an advocate of the arts, free thinking, women's rights, gay rights, freedom of expression and thinking outside the box. She was sassy and sarcastic. She loved teaching and people. She too loved life..but a year after she got her teaching certificate and was a full time substitute teacher in an inner city Kindergarden..that life was extinguished. My mother..SOO proud of her sons. So happy, so beautiful and full of energy. She was always the life of the party. She held our little family unit together. She made everything just a little bit better. She was a good mom who always believed that her sons could accomplish anything they set their minds to and goddammit..that's what we were going to do whether we like it or not. She was at every single concert, every basketball game, every football game, every track meet cheering her fool head off..even if she didn't know precisely what she was cheering for. She would have loved every one of my freinds. She would have loved seeing how far I've come as a musician..and as a person. But she probably already knew what potential I had..and what I was going to become..who knows.

I wonder what I will think of these emotions tomorrow..or the day after. So many times I ball up these emotions and bury them because their "inconvenient" and "unproductive." But that is my way to cope and deal. I usually don't get waves of longing or nostalgia..every once in a while I just get a fucking sucker punch to the face. So I guess it evens itself out. I do as much crying in about 2 hours as someone might do in a week going through similar circumstances.

"Geez Kyle, why are you pouring your heart out on the internet? Aren't you afraid of what someone might put in the Enquirer?" No..no I'm not. I am thankful for the random occurences in which I am able to feel...raw and uncontrolled emotions safely. The last time this happened was in 2001..Artificial Intelligence came out in Movie theatres. Most people hated the ending cause it was boring and obviously added on..but I thought the ending was the most moving part..cause he got what everyone who has lost a significant person in their life wants. Just one more day. The little boy gets ONE more day with his mother who had passed away..and literally..I was bawling in the back parking lot with my freind Roxanne..who also was bawling with me bless her heart. She lost her Father to cancer many years before, but still was able to relate qutie strongly with me at the moment. So...can you tell that no story with me is short?

So I hope some random person catches this blog...and feels emotions for people that they love..and could potentially loose...people that they know they will loose soon and people that they've lost. Remember what good and wonderful people they are or were.

That is all.

here I am at work. I'm sick and want to go home. I have a soar throat, I feel drained and can't stop blowing my nose. I wanna go to bed..but still have 2 hours left of work. I do know, however, that when I get home I'll want to be up and around. Today has been really slow and we've been going through our database making sure that the development department's list corresponds to what we have in our ticketing system. 99.9% of the entries are correct. We've gone through 17o/352 pages of 10pt font spreadsheets. I've been putting it off as much as possible..as have everyone else cause it's a bullshit, worthless job that really isn't going to amount to anything. But, despite it being slow and monotaneous I love working with most of my coworkers. They are mostly laid back people with quirky senses of humor. The student employees generally have great rapport with the full time(non-student) staff. I hope I can work in an office as laid back as this one when I graduate.

Oh well..back to spreadsheets! at least I can play music on my laptop while I work. ..and surf the internet...and chat...and well...you know :-P

I hate Yahoo DSL. I am currently on hold for the millionth time trying to pay my bill. I am a unique customer to Yahoo DSL..in the sense that I have Yahoo DSL without a phone line through ATT/SBC. So this means that I cannot pay my bill online because..even though my account number is the same amount of numbers as a telephone number..it is impossible to set their system up to allow me to sign in to their "account Manager." I have e-mailed them telling them that..yes, my bill is late and Iknow this..however with a full time class load and at least 20 hours of work a week on top of studying/practicing..and the fact that they don't have 24 hour service. So my bill is 2 months behind because I usually work or am in class till after they close..and I can't make a 20 minute phone call while I'm at work. Now I am on the phone with them still...this time it's only 13 minutes on hold..and the dude tells me that "I can understand how you get passed around, but you can pay through this line with your account number." AHHHHHHHHHH. So he pulls up my account and finds out that he himself cannot process my payment that he has to get a supervisor to come and do it. AHHHHHH!!! What a fucking rat race! I love the service..I really do. I hated comcast becuase I don't believe in sharing my network connection with 6 million other people..whereas with DSL it is only the computers I have connected to my modem. But paying the god damn bill is such a fucking uphill battle. So I e-mailed customer service again asking for a direct number to someone who can take this kind of payment...and they e-mail me back saying..'Call customer service'......AHHHHHHHHH

I have a blog now.....

A blog is a user-generated website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order.
Blogs often provide commentary or news on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of most early blogs. Most blogs are primarily textual although some focus on photographs (photoblog), sketchblog, videos (vlog), or audio (podcasting), and are part of a wider network of social media.
The term "blog" is derived from "Web log." "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
The term blog is commonly acredited to the web-journal pioneer Travis Petler. He coined the term on his personal blog in early September of 1997 while studying at Brown University. His use of the word spread to other college campus' where other weblogs were present.

Cause I couldn't think of anything to write..figured someone would be interested. Stay tuned!