I've been thinking soo much about relationships lately. I have to admit that I have been blessed to have some wonderful people that have come into my life lately. They have been very sweet to me and pretty much..without me asking..given me everything that I needed. A laugh, a hug, a kiss or a snuggle. I know that I am not ready to be in a relationship right now..I know it. I still feel like a failure in my last relationship..and that I'm more of a burden than a blessing. I need to get over that. I know otherwise..but my heart doesn't. I think that the problem with not being in a relationship now..after having been for 2 years..is that I don't feel particularly special to anyone..no one is pursuing me per se...telling me how great and wonderful I am..and how happy I make them. No one is trying to compete for my affections. I don't really know what I expect..the more that I type..the more ridiculous I feel lol. Because I have freinds who are special to me and I to them. and even if the guys I've been affectionate with as of late don't want me around for the long haul..thats ok. It really is...they could be in a not ready place to have a relationship too. And it isn't the commitment that I crave..I don't know. I've been mildly emotional this week. no reason in particular and not emotional bad or depressed..just...emoting more than I'm used to.
I guess I was getting too comfortable in certain situations with someone and realized that those situations might not what I thought they were..or what I thought they were leading to. I am very intuitive with people..I feel them. And what I feel may not make sense to other people but it makes sense to me. Little cues that I pick up on..granted..with some people I'm completely oblivious. *shrugs* Who knows...this is probably a phase.
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