These are the times that I wish I were straight..honestly. I get kinda bitter towards the gay population..myself included. It's such a fucking meat market.
"You meet the man of your dreams..and I'm meeting his beautiful wife..."
Sing it Alanis you emotional canadian songstress.
I guess I'm tired of always being put on the back burner...every guy I meet has all of these little things on the side. "you're a GREAT GUY!" "You have SUCH a cool personality!" Yeah yeah yeah..but I'm not pretty. If I were pretty..I'm fairly convinced I could take over the world..but I'm not so here I sit. I didn't walk out of a magazine photo shoot..no one walks by me and says "DAYUM! I want him to fuck the hell out of me!" Which..I'm moderately ok with. I don't want someone to just be interested in me for the way that I look..but I can't help feeling that everyone that I meet thinks.."Oh he's cool, but...Sphen..is cool AND he's hot maybe I can start something with HIM."
And ya know what I hate just as much? is that I'm totally guilty of that too..putting others on the back burner so that I can try..and subsequently fail on trying to rope in..well we'll just call him "The highest bidder." Hell..I'm kinda doing that right now. I'm not ok with it regardless of who is doing it to whom...but I especially don't like it when it's done to me. I know I don't have any fascinations of being with guys or having things that I know I can't have or deserve..as if someone could really "Deserve" someone else I guess...that's a whole other rant. I also can't fight the feeling that, when guys that I spend time with..just in general, with no one person in specific..send out all of these signals like..kissing..snuggling...fooling around..what have you and then they aren't interested in actually dating me, like it was wasted time(longest run-on sentence ever! lol). Like..umm..don't do that if you don't want to date me..cause I pretty much know whether or not I want to date a person within the first few hours of knowing them. If I've got my tongue in your mouth..you're pretty much great in my book. Why can't others be like this? Don't try to seduce me if that's all you want. But who am I really to blame? The guy for being attracted to me for a moment..or myself for not putting on the brakes? I'm naive I guess..still attach certain emotional expectations on intimacy. I guess I'm attractive enough to sleep with at least..... Always look at the silver lining right?
I don't know..I've been very unsettled as of late. Tired of people(lol mostly guys) going in and out of my life..wanting a few individuals to stick around..but seeing as how there has already been a level of intimacy established previous to the "Freind" thing...that may not be possible with some of them. We'll see...
That's my rant..kinda hypocritical I know...just felt like bitching. Send a "HAAAAYYY" if you're feelin me on this one.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment