AHH stress!

So..this week has sucked....this week and Next week will suck as well. There have been some good things happening this week but I have been sooo stressed out with very quickly approaching deadlines for assignments and playing responsibilities and not having either prepared well enough for them being so CLOSE..and really believing that there was no way that I could have prepared any better than I have..or managed my time better than I have thus far. I have to compose a Sonata Exposition (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonata) that is at least 40 measures long. I have the First Tonal Area and the Second Tonal area composed..but have to write an adequate transitional phase between said areas with non diatonic chords that make sense like Augmented 6th chords, Neopolitan chords and secondary dominants. I'm not good at composing in general....I hate composing. I have a lot of respect for individuals who can compose(especially Janna!) well. I am not one of those people. My composition is due on Monday at 9:10AM...I will be spending all day tomorrow writing the rest of my Sonata and tryiyng my hardest not to throw the very pretty MACs in the College of Music Computer lab out the window..cause I hate Finale..It's a very counter-intuitive music notation program that..I have to look in the "Help" file just to copy and paste!...and by "Help" I mean...not very helpful..cause the MACs don't open PDF files the same way as PCs..so I have to Google how to use the damn program...AHHH!

So I have that...

I also have to prepare a mock program for my 19th century music lit class that includes program notes for 3 19th century pieces and my own biography in like 1500 words....Sounds fun..but there is not a plethora of flute literature written in the 19th century..not like Mozart and Handel...boo. That is due on Wednesday at 10:20AM.

I will probably, at this point, be skipping my monday night choir rehearsal this comming week...so I can still go down to Hillsdale. Cause...well...I need it very much.

One of the great things that happened this week was...I GOT MY NEW FLUTE! it's SOOO amazing! It's a Miyazawa 401 Sterling Silver Heavywall with C# trill, offset G, B foot and D# roller. It also has a heavywall Muramatsu winglip headjoint. It cost QUITE a pretty penny..but well worth it. It does everything except julienne fries at this point. BUT..it taunts me..BEGS me to play it..(which a Music Collegue who plays on a Greenhoe Bass Trombone termed it my "Yellowhoe". Yes, it's a Japanese instrument through and through. Handcrafted by some of Japan's finest Flutemakers)..but I can't cause i have no TIME! AHHH!!!

MORIGAN

Ok..so I talk about Morgian a lot..but she's a pretty important gal. We are not screwing..even though I've had many opportunities and advances in our friendship....:-P



This is Morgian as a redhead. This is a recent development and she looks very strikingly like her sister Shikara(sp? "Shih-Kharah"). I like it. It was wierd the first day..but I like it.



This is Morgian int he car ride on the way down to Hillsdale on tuesday. Nuff said.



This is a moose head that was at the bar that her and I used to frequent when we lived together. It was walking distance..and they had big ass 44oz beers for $5. It was only domestic commoner beer..but it definately got the job done. I think on this night Her, our neighbor Adam and I split a $120 bar tab and didn't even eat anything there. Lots of Kamikazes, Dirty Girl Scouts, Red Headed sluts and Tequila shots. Mmmm...good times.

at work

So there is a sub place in town called Jimmy Johns. They sell really cheap subs that are made on this incredible French Bread. I recommend checking for one in your area..though I think you can only find them in College areas. They have these Salt and Vinegar kettle chips that are incredible. I never ate S&V chips till I had these and I've been hooked ever since.



This is my computer screen at work. I work at the illustrious Wharton Center for Performing Arts in East Lansing, MI. We have two venues in our buildling, one is the Great Hall which is our main venue, seats about 2500 people. It has continental Seating which means there are no center aisles and one Balcony(called the Grand Tier). It's a great place to see a performance and a great stage to perform on. The accoustics make anyone sound amazing..unless you have a crappy tech guy doing sound. Our second venue is the Pasant Theatre which seats around 600 and the stage is modeled after the Globe Theatre in England?? complete with shakespearian thrust stage. You can check out the website, Whartoncenter.com. I stare at this computer screen for at least 20 hours sometimes more than 30 hours a week. The seating map that you are seeing right now is of our Performance of Wicked in July. Tickets go on sale may 4th to the general public.

I am sooo BORED! And really uber antsy too. I feel like a crack addict going through withdrawls...I can't stop pacing..I have very little attention span....maybe a little craving to rock back and forth....AHHH!!

So I just..and I mean JUST figured out how to send pictures from my phone to a website so that I can in turn download them and post them.....this mystery of the universe has been just that tome for 2 years! can you bleieve it! So I'm gonna start putting up random pics that I have on my phone and commenting on them..that can be my little gimmick like everyone else has on here. So here's an BUTTLOAD of pics with commentary.



This is of my Truck..the upper ball joint went out on the front drivers side tire..yesterday. So today..we tried to take it to a garage..where it was originally $200..and turned out to magically be $1500...as you can see by the extensive front end damage(we bought it that way) it isn't even worth $1500...we'll see what will happen...till then..I am vehicularly challenged. Doesn't it look sad? It looks to me like someone trying to walk on a broken ankle..never seen it in person..but thanks to movies like Saw 1,2,3,I can imagine what this would look like.



My Kitty..her name is Sadie. She's a beautiful diva and she knows it!



My dog Bailey..the yellow lab. the brown one is my grandmother's Chow/Lab mix..that I have mixed feelings about. She's stupid..territorial..needy..jealous...all the worst personality traits of both breeds. Bailey..on the other hand is like Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde...She's beautiful and smart...but really ditzy. She likes raspberry kisses and spooning.



Kristen and Dennis at their finest. This was taken last december on a drinking outing with Mewissa, Pete and I at the Irish Pub.



This is Mewissa and Petey



A cute pic of Morgian and I in Pat's car.



Morgian spent the night at my townhouse cause they were doing sidewalk work outside her bedroom window with drills and jackhammers..and she works third shift..you get the point. So when she arose..she deemed it necessary to don her Stars and Moons bedsheet as a toga and parade around the place for a couple hours..I thought it fitting that one of my hookahs is in the foreground.



I saw this on my way to my flute lessons one time..I thought it was something very scary and could be from the twilight zone. Soo many rubber duckies...staring at me...telling me....to do.....things..........



A random pic of my brother...doesn't he look like such a motivational speaker?



Can't have a photo entry without a hot pic of the latino boyfreind. Oh poolboy!



A live bait vending machine..that I saw around the corner from Jason(of the ABC group and Hillsdale Wind Symphony) and Chris' house. Me being from Flint..and deep in the ghetto..thought this was picture worthy cause I had never seen something SOOO redneck IN MY LIFE! BTW..it was at the only stop light in the..fair hamlet..right outside the bar and next to the convenience store..which was attached to the bar.



The pic that is my icon on this thing..me out with my coworkers on a bar crawl.

The Seasoned Veteran FriendYou are the Seasoned Veteran Friend! You resemble Aragorn (Lord of The Rings), Merlin (Arthurian Legend), Han Solo (Star Wars), The Marquis (Neverwhere), Sirius Black (Harry Potter) and Chase (Wizard's First Rule). You are exceedingly loyal, tricky and hardy. You regularly pull the Unlikely Hero, Mentor and Pillor-of-Strength Love Interest out of trouble and into safety. Beware The Traitor, who will make your job intensely difficult. And don't coddle the Unlikely Hero too much, he has to learn how to fend for himself. Anyway, everyone admires you and your resourcefullness / reliability - good going!

So I can't believe that a compute can really eat up soooo much time. Pete left for a friends housewarming party at about 4..and me feeling under the weather am here sitting on my duff. Well I am mildly in to an online computer game called World of Warcraft. Yes...I am one of those nerds..but odds are..so are you :-P So I played WoW from 4:30ish till 10! without taking a break! WOAH! This must come directly from Satan..but on the other hand..I usually don't know how to just sit around when I'm sick and just focus on getting better..there's always homeowork, Food(I eat a LOT), freinds, cell phones, vehicles to take me to random places(I love driving/riding around with peeps on a nice night like tonight), bright shiney objects...checking my e-mail 20 times an hour....you get the point. I feel like the day is wasted..but eh..what can ya do? *drum roll CRASH* Starts up WoW some more.

woah emotions!

So I just got done watching Grey's anatomy for the first time..well..first and second times. I just discovered ABC.com and how they have full episodes that you can watch online. Well, the episodes that I saw were probably last season's finale where there is this disasterous wreck with some Car Ferry and in this episode one of the intern's falls into water and drowns and becomes hypothermic. I realized today..watching these shows..that I cannot watch these shows. These hospital shows where people die. I mean, that's good ratings..but I was TOTALLY unprepared, now I knew that something was going to happen..but with as much suspense as they pack in these damn shows..it's like a car wreck..you just can't look away. Anyways, I was totally unprepared to relive a whole lot of very emotional memories of seeing a lot of family members who literally meant the world to me..either on their deathbed or in a coffin. Since 2001 I've lost my Mother(my number one fan), my aunt(my number two fan and family member I think I closest resembled personality-wise) in 2002 and my grandfather maybe 7-9 months ago. With the exception of my mother, my aunt died of heart disease related to chemotherapy and radiation treatments she recieved fighting off cancer of the lymph nodes and my Grandfather who lived through Skin and Lung cancer for 2 years and in the last 6 months of his life, Lung, skin and brain cancer. My mother died very suddenly, she was a heart patient. She had a cardiomyopathy with atrial fibulation..which is an enlarged heart with an irregular and(in some cases I think and/or) accelerated heart rate. She had a pacemaker put in 8 or 9 months before she died but in the end her heart just quit. She did not suffer. I am very very thankful for that looking back. But back to Grey's...seeing these people on their "deathbeds" on the TV shows struck a chord with REAL events that have come into my life. It was this well of emotions that just exploded. I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably remembering seeing these wonderful, intelligent and brave individuals in their last days living through torture. My grandfather died peacefully loaded up on morphine. Even though he did not suffer at the end..he endured such merciless agony that just made him hate life..the life that he so loved..life with the family that he so loved and was so proud of. In his home surrounded by the memories of raising his children, raising his grandchildren(my brother and I), Countless meals, his wife of over 50 years. He was always the caretaker, but it was us that took care of him. My Aunt Laura(Aunt Lolly), not being able to take a full breathe for a year before she died because that which saved her from cancer so many years before, created scar tissue around her heart and created a leathery shell that finally got to the point where it was constricting the very beating of her heart. She was such an advocate of the arts, free thinking, women's rights, gay rights, freedom of expression and thinking outside the box. She was sassy and sarcastic. She loved teaching and people. She too loved life..but a year after she got her teaching certificate and was a full time substitute teacher in an inner city Kindergarden..that life was extinguished. My mother..SOO proud of her sons. So happy, so beautiful and full of energy. She was always the life of the party. She held our little family unit together. She made everything just a little bit better. She was a good mom who always believed that her sons could accomplish anything they set their minds to and goddammit..that's what we were going to do whether we like it or not. She was at every single concert, every basketball game, every football game, every track meet cheering her fool head off..even if she didn't know precisely what she was cheering for. She would have loved every one of my freinds. She would have loved seeing how far I've come as a musician..and as a person. But she probably already knew what potential I had..and what I was going to become..who knows.

I wonder what I will think of these emotions tomorrow..or the day after. So many times I ball up these emotions and bury them because their "inconvenient" and "unproductive." But that is my way to cope and deal. I usually don't get waves of longing or nostalgia..every once in a while I just get a fucking sucker punch to the face. So I guess it evens itself out. I do as much crying in about 2 hours as someone might do in a week going through similar circumstances.

"Geez Kyle, why are you pouring your heart out on the internet? Aren't you afraid of what someone might put in the Enquirer?" No..no I'm not. I am thankful for the random occurences in which I am able to feel...raw and uncontrolled emotions safely. The last time this happened was in 2001..Artificial Intelligence came out in Movie theatres. Most people hated the ending cause it was boring and obviously added on..but I thought the ending was the most moving part..cause he got what everyone who has lost a significant person in their life wants. Just one more day. The little boy gets ONE more day with his mother who had passed away..and literally..I was bawling in the back parking lot with my freind Roxanne..who also was bawling with me bless her heart. She lost her Father to cancer many years before, but still was able to relate qutie strongly with me at the moment. So...can you tell that no story with me is short?

So I hope some random person catches this blog...and feels emotions for people that they love..and could potentially loose...people that they know they will loose soon and people that they've lost. Remember what good and wonderful people they are or were.

That is all.

here I am at work. I'm sick and want to go home. I have a soar throat, I feel drained and can't stop blowing my nose. I wanna go to bed..but still have 2 hours left of work. I do know, however, that when I get home I'll want to be up and around. Today has been really slow and we've been going through our database making sure that the development department's list corresponds to what we have in our ticketing system. 99.9% of the entries are correct. We've gone through 17o/352 pages of 10pt font spreadsheets. I've been putting it off as much as possible..as have everyone else cause it's a bullshit, worthless job that really isn't going to amount to anything. But, despite it being slow and monotaneous I love working with most of my coworkers. They are mostly laid back people with quirky senses of humor. The student employees generally have great rapport with the full time(non-student) staff. I hope I can work in an office as laid back as this one when I graduate.

Oh well..back to spreadsheets! at least I can play music on my laptop while I work. ..and surf the internet...and chat...and well...you know :-P

I hate Yahoo DSL. I am currently on hold for the millionth time trying to pay my bill. I am a unique customer to Yahoo DSL..in the sense that I have Yahoo DSL without a phone line through ATT/SBC. So this means that I cannot pay my bill online because..even though my account number is the same amount of numbers as a telephone number..it is impossible to set their system up to allow me to sign in to their "account Manager." I have e-mailed them telling them that..yes, my bill is late and Iknow this..however with a full time class load and at least 20 hours of work a week on top of studying/practicing..and the fact that they don't have 24 hour service. So my bill is 2 months behind because I usually work or am in class till after they close..and I can't make a 20 minute phone call while I'm at work. Now I am on the phone with them still...this time it's only 13 minutes on hold..and the dude tells me that "I can understand how you get passed around, but you can pay through this line with your account number." AHHHHHHHHHH. So he pulls up my account and finds out that he himself cannot process my payment that he has to get a supervisor to come and do it. AHHHHHH!!! What a fucking rat race! I love the service..I really do. I hated comcast becuase I don't believe in sharing my network connection with 6 million other people..whereas with DSL it is only the computers I have connected to my modem. But paying the god damn bill is such a fucking uphill battle. So I e-mailed customer service again asking for a direct number to someone who can take this kind of payment...and they e-mail me back saying..'Call customer service'......AHHHHHHHHH