lol...you know you're gay when..

ok....so I need a backstory for this crazy emotional experience.

So, when my mom died I went through a very angry and depressed part of my life for about a year-ish. Little over a year. I really prayed for closure. That I knew that I had no control over my loss and I just really wanted to be ok with it..at least to be able to live with it from day to day. Then one day, I had this dream. I was walking out of the front of some high school scene(I was a junior in high school when I lost my mom), it was a large older styled brick building with a stone staircase(not my high school). My mother was standing at the foot of it and I went up and talked to her. We said some things of personal value to each other and then she hugged me. At which point, she turned to sand and drifted away in the wind. I woke up at that point, crying my fool head off but feeling an utter sense of relief. It was that point that I was able to come to grips with my mother's death and to be ok with it.

So, I'm over at Ryan's apartment. It's Mickey, Jamal, Ryan, Stevell and I sitting around watching the Golden Girls, and it's all about Blanche's late husband..and how he had faked his death and whatnot and how she had always had dreams about him being alive but would always wake up just before she got to hug him. Well the whole episode(sorry to ruin it) turned out to be a dream and she was able to hug him.

That episode was WAY too real for me. I sat on the couch...I started to feel my chest swell up...and I walked out of the room. Barely able to keep my composure till I got to Ryan's room at which I broke down into the hardest racking tears I'd had in a while. Ryan eventually came in to see why I had been gone for so long and I was still just in pieces. It took me a little while to regain my composer.

So, even after 7 years my missing her still affects me and can apparently be triggered at any time.

But why the hell do I have to be the "I get emotional over the Golden Girls" kinda gay? :-P